Dumbledore is gay.

Date:	2007-10-22 05:16
Subject:	"Open your eyes/It's a matter of size"
Security:	Public
Mood:	jubilant
Music:	Tomboy - OK2BGAY

So I'm still on my emotional rollercoaster, and I haven't been feeling like subjecting people to the drama. BUT I thought I'd take a break from the moping to share this with EVERYBODY:

The coolest video EVER.

If anybody's seen this before, or knows anything about it, let me know. I want to own this video. Immediately.

If this is true, it's pretty fucked up.

Date:	2007-10-01 01:46
Subject:	Update
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

So I'll summarize what's been happening since summer started.

( Summer )


( School/Work/Etc. )


( Personal )


I think those are the basics, but if I've missed anything let me know.

Date:	2007-09-28 16:39
Subject:	Return of the dancing pony
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

I'm back.

I guess I have a few key points to update on, but I don't have time now as I have to leave for work in about half an hour. I should get it out of me by the end of the weekend though.

I got a message from sleepoverjesus which gave me the push I needed to get back on this thing. Thanks, Rickey. I've actually been thinking about your review for the past few months almost every day. No joke. That's just how much I suck at getting things done.

Back soon,
Ko

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Date:	2007-06-21 17:05
Subject:	IMAGE HEAVY
Security:	Public
Mood:	dichotomous

So I just spent $100 on (clothing) patterns, fabric, and a Fabricland membership. Part of me feels super guilty, because I'm supposed to be saving everything I'm making this summer, but there was a massive one-day sale today (members only, which is why I had to get the membership - my mother lost hers somewhere), and I saved a bunch of money on things that I was eventually hoping to buy for this summer.

What it would have been: $331.33
What I spent: $103.00

So I feel like maybe it was worth it.

( Here are pictures of the patterns I got - I've purchased the fabric for two of them, the rest can wait. )


So if anyone has any ideas for any of these (colors, alterations, fabrics...), you should let me know!

Date:	2007-06-19 23:39
Subject:	I'm excited!
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired and incoherent

So this is how this thing works: I am going to answer five questions in this entry. If you would like, comment on this post with a request that goes something like "Ask me five questions" and I will think of some

So jakebe posted this on his journal a little while ago, and I responded to it. I was thrilled to have him ask me these five questions, which I will provide the answers to here:

1. You had a pretty hectic wisdom tooth extraction about two weeks ago. I've had both of mine taken out as well, and I know how much of a pain the recovery can be. That being said, do you still tongue the sockets where the teeth used to be? I did until they closed up completely.

I HATE THE SOCKETS. They drive me mad. I hate them more than my entire previous wisdom tooth experience. I hate the way food gets stuck in them, I was actually going to call the surgeon and yell at him about them (meekly though, I'm a coward) until my mother (who has also had them done) told me that they would close up.

2. Who is your favorite poet, and could you regale me with your favorite work by him?

I tried, really I did, to answer this question. I lovelovelove all the classic, stereotypical poems like T. S. Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Allen Ginsberg's Sunflower Sutra and Howl... but I'm also into some less intense work like that of Wendy Cope and Stephen Crane. I have so much good poetry thrown at me all the time from so many different sources that it's hard to pinpoint a specific poet. Especially since, for poetry, it's usually a case-by-case basis based on the poem, rather than a body of work. And often I'll go on and off a poet or work of poetry over time. I feel bad for answering this question so poorly, but I've been addicted to reading since I can remember, and I simply cannot choose. Especially with poetry, for some reason.

3. Given that 'comic books' and 'existentialism' are both interests of yours, have you read Grant Morrison's Animal Man? It's a really trippy treatment of the superhero genre, done in the aftermath of DC's "Crisis on Infinite Earths". It also helped to put Vertigo on the map, paving the way for Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman to hop the pond and do their thing. What is your favorite existential work, and why?

I have not read Animal Man. I've only seriously gotten into American comics in the past few years (before that it was strictly Asian), and so my American comic experience is still rather pitiful. At least I think so.

As for my favorite existential work: I listed "existentialism" as an interest when I was a pretentious 15-year-old, and hadn't really earned the interest. Since then, I've explored the subject a little more, though there are still probably giant gaps in my actual. I think I like existentialism best when it is not necessarily the focus of a work, but an element of it. I've read some of the drama (Beckett, Ionesco) that's widely recognized as containing some level of existentialism. I've read Kafka's <i>The Metamorphosis</i> and some of Dostoyevsky's works. I've also read Sartre's Nausea and some work by Michel Foucault. Some of it I like and some of it I really don't like at all, but I loved what I saw of Foucault, Kafka, and Ionesco especially. I am also a huge fan of the beat generation and of the science fiction genre, both of which contain elements of existentialism. Actually, many literary movements contain "elements," I suppose...

4. What drew you to study in Toronto, Canada? How did you even manage that? :)

Well... I've lived all over the place. Canada is my fourth country of residence. In my final year of high school we moved from the US to Vancouver, British Columbia. I'd already started to consider Canada as an option for university, and the move facilitated that plan. I visited Toronto, and looked into other schools across North America and in Europe and New Zealand. Toronto just seemed to fit for some reason. I prefer large schools, and it's the biggest in Canada. It's also supposed to be the best school in Canada. There is nothing that has happened in the past year that has caused me to to regret my choice, I love it there.

5. A double major in English and Sexual Diversity Studies?!? That sounds really fascinating. What do you plan to do with your Diversity degree?

I honestly hadn't planned on the SDS degree. Toronto is the only school that offers it as a major in Canada, and I didn't even know that when I applied. I knew I was going to do something with English - a specialist, or maybe a double major with something else like music (harp performance) or history or classics. But I took a few SDS classes in my first year and I fell in love with the subject. I also started a lot of volunteer work in the area. I currently volunteer with Planned Parenthood, giving workshops on homophobia to group audiences (mainly youth in classroom settings). I'm not sure what I'll do with the degree, but I think I'm hoping to get into nonprofit work. I'm keeping my options open though, as a lot of the opportunities granted by either major sound pretty cool.



So hopefully Jakebe and maybe some of the rest of you will struggle through the above rambling without too much difficulty...

Date:	2007-06-17 18:10
Subject:	Glasses
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Hahaha so I just watched some of Handyman Superstar Challenge on TV. I feel cool now.

I got my glasses today. I found out that I need glasses, by the way. I don't have to wear them all the time, just when I do anything like staring at a screen/reading/looking at lecture slides/driving/etc. for more than 15 minutes. They look okay I guess.

( Here's a picture. )

I also got my belly button pierced about a week ago. Cliche, I know, but I think it looks nice. And I don't care. I have to soak it twice a day in a salt solution for three months. This is a little tiresome, but I'll take care of it like I'm supposed to. I had my nipple rings taken out at the same time because they're rejecting because my first piercer was dumb, but I might get them redone with barbells sometime in the future.

Date:	2007-06-14 23:44
Subject:	Work work
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

Starting tomorrow I work seven 8-hour days in a row. Good fun.

I actually wish I could work more though. I don't even care that it would be "overtime" - I don't need special pay for it, I just need the money in general... and I'm sure they'd probably give me more hours if they weren't legally obligated to pay me more for them.

I wish there was a place in West Van that was open past 11pm. Even the gas stations and 7-Elevens close early. Otherwise I could do some graveyard shifts in other places...

I'm considering visiting Boulder in the end of the summer, too. I'm not sure how I feel about going back, but I think I'd like to... I think. But it's just that it would take a pretty sizeable chunk out of what I'll have been saving all summer...

Money is difficult. Actually, it's not. Reconciling what I want with what I have is difficult. At least for me, anyway.

It's a little lonely out here, I literally have nobody to spend time with except my family and my dogs. But I'm not here for too long I guess, and I'm going to try to make the most of it.

Better posts to come!

Date:	2007-05-27 00:07
Subject:	For your entertainment
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	TV infomercial

( Pictures of me without wisdom teeth )


Don't I look lovely?


( This is what my face normally looks like: )

If, for some unfathomable reason, you would like to see more pictures of me looking like I'm winning at "Chubby Bunny," I have more available.

Date:	2007-05-24 13:45
Subject:	Wisdom Teeth.
Security:	Public
Mood:	sore

Warning: whining ahead.

I had my wisdom teeth removed this morning. I can deal with the ever-increasing levels of pain and swelling, pain has never been that big of a deal for me, but I'm getting very sick of spitting up blood. It is gross and messy. I'm also sick of the swabs I have to keep clenched between my back teeth to try and reduce the bleeding. My lips are still frozen numb but I can talk fine now.

I have vague memories of the surgery itself. It wasn't painful, they just kept telling me to close my eyes and open up my mouth and kept scratching away at my teeth and gums. And somewhere near the end of it they got a little panicky because of my blood pressure.

They had to keep me for an hour after the surgery (which in itself only lasts about an hour, at most). Apparently my blood pressure reached dangerously low levels while it was in progress and it didn't right itself for a while. They said it dropped to about 70/32, and at that point I was slipping in and out of consciousness. 120/80 is apparently the "healthy" blood pressure for adults. Mine's usually slightly lower than that (which makes sense because I've had issues with fainting in the past). I think it's still probably not quite back to normal, but after an hour of oxygen and monitoring and random drips of Tang drink forced down my throat (to help with blood sugar) it was safe for me to stand, and then about twenty minutes later they allowed me to leave.

I'll post pictures to entertain you all once my face swells up some more (apparently it's worst after about 48 hours), although I have been using an ice pack to keep swelling down so I don't know how spectacular it's going to get.

Date:	2007-05-22 22:26
Subject:	Big Update/Pouring my heart out to my public blog. I love livejournal.
Security:	Public
Mood:	empty

I'm back in Vancouver! So much has happened this year, I've been so busy and I haven't been updating this thing as much as I would like, though I have been keeping up with reading journals for the most part. Exams are over, I did alright this year. I could definitely do better, and I didn't work nearly hard enough, especially in school. I'm fairly optimistic about next year though. There are many grand master plans for things. I'll be living on my own (more details on that later), I'll be employed part-time, in school full-time, volunteering with Planned Parenthood (PPT) and probably LGBTOUT again. Hopefully there'll be some new things, too.

I am now officially employed at our local Safeway (which goes by the title "Someplace Special" because my neighborhood sucks). I'm not terribly happy about it, but it was the first place to respond and it'll give me at LEAST 40 hours a week (there's a potential for overtime). And it's only temporary.

Everybody keeps telling me I remind them of Princess Diana. Literally everybody. Except for most of the people who've known me for awhile. Random people who helped Titan get home from an unsanctioned "adventure" today told me I looked like her. I don't know what to think about that. Most people think she's beautiful, but I don't really know about that. And I don't know how the resemblance can be strong enough for so many people in so many different circumstances to tell me the same thing. A lot of them are British/foreign, which makes sense...

I am now also confirmed as the tenant of a basement bachelor apartment in Kensington Market. I'm pretty excited about it, the rent is very reasonable for what it is and I think I'm glad it's a bachelor rather than a shared but... I don't know. I have to wonder, really, whether anybody will care enough to visit. Or even to call. Especially the people I'd really like to have visit or call. But maybe that's just a random jolt of insecurity getting in my way.

I've had a serious problem with self esteem this year. Just from early 2007 on. I don't really know what's wrong, but I think part of it has to do with Brian. It can't all be Brian though, but I'm having problems with figuring out the other factors. Whatever all of it is, it's led to me feeling easily the worst about myself that I have in my life. It really never was all that bad before, I'd say the way I felt about myself was pretty average, even better than average on occasion. It's difficult to keep this new feeling from affecting things like relationships (of any kind) and productivity, which in turn can further contribute to it becoming worse. It also makes me feel kind of pathetic and stupid and unreasonable most of the time. Ha, ha. I've definitely withdrawn from people a bit, and I've done things that I thought I was long over. I also seem to reverting back to hyper-introverted Ko, which is bad.

I think I've grown up a bit this year. Not as much as I would have liked, but I think I finally realized something important. I need to put other people's happiness before my own. I know we're told this constantly by various sources, but it never really... clicked. Until just recently. I think I've been selfish, and it's holding me back in a lot of ways. And I'm seriously trying to rework my thoughts and behaviours. I think I'm getting better, but I'm definitely not there yet. Hopefully I'll keep my focus and will continue to improve. I do care a <i>lot</i> about others, but it becomes complicated somehow. I probably need to work on my expectations of others, and... well, about a million other things.

But it's hard, sometimes, to keep it up. I guess I just need to try harder.


I like how my laptop serves a secondary function as a heating pad.

Date:	2007-05-18 02:05
Subject:	Lloyd Alexander is dead.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank

A very cool apartment which just sold for $850,000 on EBAY.

and

Some sad, sad news.

This year seems to be full of deaths that are... I don't know. Not directly connected to me, but that are still in some way very personal.

Date:	2007-05-08 18:28
Subject:	Something I want to remember...
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Neruda, "Sonnet XVII"

Te amo como se aman ciertas cosa oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

(I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.)

Date:	2007-05-05 12:02
Subject:	Ko's psychological hangups
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Hedwig and the Angry Inch - The Origin of Love

So I was going through some of my music with Maheen and I came to an interesting revelation:

All of the songs that I remember mentioning blow jobs are songs that I feel personally connected to. That I feel connect with some raw part of me. And I think that is at least in part due to the inclusion/manipulation of that specific sexual act. I can think of three examples off the top of my head:

Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel No. 2
Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know
Sublime - Caress Me Down (this also refers to other sexual acts)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch songs also allude to many sexual acts, including fellatio, and I deeply love all of them (though part of that may be influence from the movie).

I hope this doesn't mean any number of the shitty things about me that it potentially could. I haven't really done oral in a long time, which is funny because it used to be a pretty regular thing......

Vegetable Orchestra!

I think I'm broken.

Date:	2007-04-27 17:41
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Brian's father passed away last night. Cancer. He was 56.

I didn't really know the man, I met him once, but he and his wife produced one of the best friends I've ever known. I have a lot of respect for Brian, and the watching the way he's been handling this has only strengthened it.